It never ceases to amaze me how many astonishingly bad job requests I see, especially for programmers, here is one picked apart:
Software Programmer
Position Overview:
We seek a programmer to design, develop, and maintain a web-based application for service-oriented business. Programmers are notoriously picky people, they have to be, otherwise they wouldn't be the kind you want, so read through what you've written for it to grammatically make sense before posting. Pocomos delivers web solutions for the service industry by providing access to online applications, real-time data, inventory management, and employer solutions. This essentially describes every company out there, what makes you unique? It also sounds *old* like web 2.0 old... As our programmer, you will work with project managers and account managers to develop industry solutions. Uh-oh "as our programmer" this means you only have one, and I'll also end up being asked to sync everyone's blackberries with your web-mail, and be IT, probably end up running your servers, and making the purchasing decisions on all sorts of new hardware.
This unique position requires strong communication skills, both written and oral, and the ability to work with a team of highly motivated individuals from different disciplines including project management and sales. Okay, not too bad, programmers can do that sometimes...
Pocomos entrance into the industry was groundbreaking--and we hope to keep it that way. Then why are the top results pizza places when I search the company name?Creative, innovative, and simple solutions to complex problems is Pocomos' mantra for providing cloud solutions for our clients. Oh, so it is cloud.
Be apart of this chance to change an industry. Again, grammar.
Position Responsibilities:
Developing/designing software systems
Experience working on cross-browser platforms
Writing, optimizing and diagnosing queries using yt HA MySQL database systems
Develop solutions for operational problems
Develop innovations for CRM
Develop creative solutions for real-time data delivery They have these already...no need to reinvent the wheel, unless you want an untested mess...
Creatively solve scheduling, operational, and employee-related issues
So, you want a software developer, a network engineer, a database administrator, someone to develop high quality systems that you're unwilling to buy, and solve scheduling issues? I have a feeling that is code for: you'll need to be on call 24/7 in case something breaks.
Position Qualifications:
Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Science or related field
1-2 years+ experience with php applications, not just familiarity
Experience using PHP as part of main job description, not just a basic knowledge Was this design by committee? This was said on the line right above...
Javascript
Significant experience with: CSS, HTML, MySQL, LAMP, XML, AJAX, FLEX, Flash, Linux Oh, you want us to know entirely useless Adobe products that even Adobe is ditching? Has nobody told you about HTML5?
Experience with using PHP, HTML, CSS with online applications
Does anybody even write PHP scripts for the desktop anymore? Python or BASH are way better. There is also no need to say "LAMP" and also list out Linux, PHP, and MySQL.
Position Compensation:
Excellent Pay Awesome, that means you have no idea what someone like you asked for should be paid...
Regular performance bonuses Still rather vague. If you only have one developer, who will know if the new hire is performing up to par?
Paid time off
Paid holidays (15)
Flexible work hours So, I get to work at midnight when the server crashes?
Great benefits Um...like?
Ability to work remotely You don't have an office?
Regular cookie breaks SOLD! Are the cookies provided, or do I bring my own?
Please contact:
Contact Removed
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